Thursday, 3 April 2014

MySpace and Bebo: The Vast Abandoned Cities of the Internet

Ever since everyone started unrelentingly deepthroating Facebook back in 2010, its rivals were a bit fucked. MySpace and Bebo both lost pretty much all of their respective user traffic. People west, east, and central were just upping and abandoning their accounts, with only a few making the effort to actually delete them so the admins don't get their hopes up. Up until recently logging on to an old account out of boredom or curiosity (brought about by boredom) was like walking around a vast abandoned city like Pripyat or anywhere in North Korea that isn't the middle of Pyongyang. You'd find your old account with all your mates' old accounts still in the friends list, you'd see all your old photos and your last update would be from several years ago. You'd click on a mate's account: "Last active: 8th February 2009."

Both MySpace and Bebo suffered the same abandonment and yet, rather confusingly, kept going. Like an oblivious stand-up dying at a gig, they just...
kept on going...

MySpace has changed its layout at least three times since everyone left. The flow of traffic was so minimal at one point that MySpace's admins just went "fuck it" and changed its name to "My_____." Literally "My" and then an actual space. The most pointless thing I've ever seen done on the internet and nobody fucking noticed. Bebo was adamant that everyone would get bored of Facebook and come back, like a 'friendzoned' boy desperately yet fruitlessly attempting to advance on a young lady who's about as interested in him as the pope is in going to Ibiza and getting fookin' wankered, m8. So Bebo didn't change anything for years that was noteworthy or even noticeable.

That is until now.

From what I gather from my "extensive research", MySpace has reverted back to its previous name and become a music sharing website like Spotify or Soundcloud, and Bebo has completely changed everything. They've removed all the dusty old abandoned accounts and they've made a page explaining why they've done that as if anyone actually gives a shit or remembers they had an account with them in the first place, and they've got a little counter of people who've signed up for the 'new' Bebo. So far it's got up to a fucking astonishing 18 people. You go Bebo. There's also a video of the weird looking billionaire owner of Bebo who presumably forgot he owned Bebo until he suddenly remembered one day and was bored enough to give it a complete overhaul. You should go and pop over there. It's the same URL. Make an account you're going to update twice. Then leave forever.

Just like mum did.

:'(